Sunday, July 1, 2007

lampposts and the sky

Do you ever feel small?

Tonight I had leftover pizza for dinner. Leftover pizza. Yum. Doesn't the sound of those words just make you want to eat? Okay if you didn't catch that, i was being sarcastic...Needless to say, the leftover pizza left me feeling a little "ehhh", so i figured a good walk would be in order. I threw some laundry in the washing machine and headed out the door. I was greeted by a gust of hot, stale wind, not the kind of breeze you envision when you picture a nice walk. The sun had just slipped past the mountains in the distance, and the sky held cascading layers of blue, moving from light to dark as the eye followed its path up to the awakening stars. It really was something to behold.

I tried to take in the entirety of the night sky in between lampposts. Add lampposts to the list of reasons why not to live in a suburb. I mean they are great if you are interested in safety and security, but they just block out the sky. it grew darker and all traces of sunlight ceased to exist, one thought slipped into my head. I began to think about how small I am in the grand scheme of things. If it's not already evident by the sheer numbers of other people in the world, or by the size of a mountain as you stand at its base, the vast expanse of the night sky sealed the deal for me. I am small, like grass, as the psalmist would say.

I began to think about all the ways that we try to magnify our existence into something bigger than it seems to us now. We are a people who will do anything to be recognized, and we crave attention, respect, and honor. I am the worst at this. I sometimes laugh at the way I put on heavy armor, trying to appear like a warrior, when all i really am is a little shepherd like David.

This idea of desiring to be something grand comes from a deeper desire to be known. We run ourselves ragged and spin around until we are dizzy just trying to be known. Why are so many people in this day and age so lonely, yet have so many friends and numbers in their cell phones? Something just doesn't add up.

We fall further away from love and acceptance by all our efforts. I don't slow down and breathe in the fact that I am known and loved by the Savior of the world enough. Too often my vision is blurred by the narcissism that plagues every one of us. Getting past that, though, I realize that through sheer grace I am known and loved and accepted.

The stars faded in and out as I walked past lamppost after lamppost, and as I finished the walk I felt small, yet at the same time size seemed to escape from my thinking, even if but for a few moments. I realized that in the end, that size, like so many things, points directly at God, revealing yet again that He reigns supreme over our world. And I am thankful for this tonight.